why is that now that we've broken up,
you start drinking?

why not before?
how many times did i ask you if you wanted to party with me & my friends?
your answer would be drinking is so stupid, what's the point, or it only makes you feel shitty the next day.

why are you learning to try new things when you're not with me anymore?
it hurts me that you're more willing with other people than you were with your own girlfriend of almost one and a half years.

i don't enjoy hearing these types of things, especially when it doesn't come from your mouth.
i'm trying to let myself ease away from you, but when i hear this, it tears me down. & makes me hurt even harder, makes the wound even deeper.

why do i care so much?
i'm the one who came out & said it.
the one who decided that maybe it wasn't best for us to be together.

but if i truly wanted this break up,
i wouldn't give a shit right now.
i'd be on my merry way.

i'm not though.
so is this what i truly wanted?

is in full swing, & im absolutely loving it.
today bree & i went surfing at queens & although i kinda suck at surfing, it feels good to just have spent time in the water, rather than doing something completely useless.
today was a solid 3-4 foot day. it was soooo sick.
seriously.

kapu, you should be so jealous of the waves i caught today.
wayyyy better than cali. hehehe.

but yea today i surfed a 9'0 board, wanna try an 8 next time :)
im really hopeful about where this is all going.
i am soooo beat.
seriously.
i got such a good work out today, & had CHOOOOKE fun doin it.
im supa stoked right now, like cloud nine kine brrahhh.

but this summer has been so sick.

some highlights:
swimmin with turtles @ lanis & waimea
stef's boat party
lotus with bebegirls
tons of new bikinis!
painting my room
karaoke party (minus the part about losin my phone)
the hang over (!!!omg funniest movie ever!!!!)
rooftop meditation sessions with bubba
biancalei comin' home & sandys with her
being stets' taxi driva for the airport to & from BI

&&& tons more to come.

<3 hella lovin' life.

although im super confused about boyzzzzzz. =/

my poor kapu baby.
went to the hospital today because he has the flu. needed to get an IV cause he was so dehydrated! i feel so horrible because i'm the one who got him sick in the first place.
but i'm a good girlfriend because yesterday i surprised him after school with medicine, cough drops, nasal rinse, a get well card, li hing sour patch kids, gummy worms, and a huge jamba juice. heh. and the kid doesn't live close either! all the way in wahiawa.  haha, anything for my babes i guess love you kapu!!!!

but anyways, school is starting to wind down.  my teachers are getting ready to collect all the text books. it's weird because i'll never be signing out text books again, rather, i'll be buying my own!
crazy how time flies.

i just had a glass of mango amazon tea.  and boooooyyyy, let me tell you i'm becoming more and more obsessed with tea everyday.  i went to this cute little tea shop and got me a little thermos that keeps your tea hot for 6 hours! and it filters out the leaves from the actual tea! i'm stoked with it.  it was a little pricey, but so worth it.  i'll be drinking a looooot more tea from now on.  and none of those bagged teas you buy in the grocery, i'm talking loose leaf tea. so delicious.

anyways, i leave for cali on thursday morning, going to my brother josh's graduation.  i'm excited to just get away for a while.  life here is sooooo crazy lately.

well, off to study for a sociology test that i have to take first thing tomorrow morning.
wish me luck!

goodnight xanga.
xoxo